I
don’t like the phrase “things you leave behind” because that implies that the
other party just stops. That is not what
happens – you both keep moving and growing, just on different paths. You hope that once your paths reconnect
sometime in the future, you will be able to pick back up where you left
off. This is also not what happens. Instead, you are now two different
people. In the best case, you will be
able to meld the people you were before and the people you are now into an even
stronger relationship. You may even
experience a period of joy as you rediscover each other. In the worst case, you will drift further and
further apart.
This
uncertain future is what made my choice to move to Japan even harder. I would be setting off on a different path
not just from friends, parents, and siblings, but from my husband as well. We do not know how the people we will become
will feel about each other. We both
hope for the best and feel this change came at the best possible time. I recently graduated from an education
program, am currently unemployed with no prospects in our local school
district, and we have no children. If I
wanted to spend some time abroad, this would be my last opportunity. We made this decision together with the hope
that the time apart would strengthen us as individuals and as a couple.
But
even if that is the case, I am still aware of the things I am leaving behind–
Black hollyhocks, peaking up in the front window, stained maroon by the setting sun. Underwater barks from the puppy sleeping in your lap as you read or watch TV. Four legged napping partners that take up three quarters of the bed then paw at you until they get it all. The pure joy on their faces when you find "the spot." Soft snoring that drives you mad when you are trying to get to sleep but reassures you when you wake up suddenly in the night. Hot panting on your face if you happen to move when it's almost time to "go outside." Twirling and dancing as you move around each other in the kitchen, the smell of food trailing after you. Made up songs about puppy adventures set to 80's rock tunes. Pillow pits. Entire weekends spent in pajamas playing video games. Gossip and a "glass" of wine. Being someone's pillow. Impromptu family reunions at the farm. When your heart skips a beat as he lights the fireworks and slowly lopes away on the 4th of July. Inside jokes. Outside voices. Cocktail dresses, just because. Cuddling up under all the blankets and clothing you own and listening to the blizzard howl outside, wondering when they will get the power back on. The silence of falling snow. Peonies with heads so heavy they almost touch the ground. Fiery poppies. Watching the lightning dance across the sky from the safety of his arms. Dog faces watching from the picture window as you come up the front steps. The ensuing celebration when you get inside, whether it's been five minutes or five days. Visits from distant family that end too soon. Sharing all these simple, daily moments with the people you love.