お名前: Reflections on names

I have always been fascinated by names. What do they mean? How do parents choose? How does someone just look like a Tom?

As a writer, I spend a lot of time picking out names for my characters. It isn’t just what sounds good or has the right meaning. There are rules, you know. You don’t want your characters getting confused because their names are too similar or they have too many of them (cough, cough Dostoyevsky).

But what about how/when a name is used? Have you ever stopped to think about it?

Before I moved to Japan, I had spent a little time studying the nuances of names in American culture. I noticed that in certain situations, last names were used rather than first names and vice versa. For example, when I played volleyball in high school, my coach called me by my last name. At the time, I didn’t think anything of it. However, over the years I started to notice that authority figures, like my coach or bosses, tended to use last names. Watch a cop show, any cop show, and you’ll see what I mean.

I think it’s a subconscious habit for the most part, but there might also be a logic behind how we use names. Those authority figures that use last names share certain aggressive and competitive characteristics. It has something to do with the power struggle between boss and employee or coach and player. But the use of first names, nicknames, and pet names can be just as telling. How we use names indicates our relationships with the people around us.

But in America, our system has broken down somewhat. Over the years our social etiquette has slowly fallen away so that we don’t understand the nuances of naming. Japan, on the other hand, has created a whole ceremony and suffix system around names. Just as you’d expect from some of the most polite people on the planet.

If you didn’t already know, in Japan, the last name or family name comes first, and the individual name comes second. This can be very confusing when a gaijin tries to give a self-introduction. Japanese people are aware that we give our first name then our family name, so if you switch it up and give your name Japanese style, things can get a little confusing.

As someone interested in names and how they are used, I found it fascinating that Japanese people always used my first name. They would usually attach –san or –sensei to it to make it polite but friends, acquaintances, and students would all call me by my first name. And it was the same for every other gaijin I met. This isn’t so weird for an American, and my first name is much easier to pronounce and remember in Japanese than my last, but it still goes against Japanese name etiquette. In Japan, individual names are reserved for close family and friends, everyone else should address you by your last name and an honorary suffix or sometimes job title.

American name customs used to be like this. It was polite to address someone as Mr., Mrs., or Miss and their last name until they told you, “Please, call me Tom.” Once you were on a first name basis, you had reached a more intimate level of acquaintance. But at some point, we stopped observing these social niceties and just started calling everyone by their first name like old pals. Well, not everyone. I still have teachers I can only address as Mrs. So and So. And there are others who just have an air about them that discourages any type of intimacy.

But Japan isn’t content to leave it as just first name or last. No, they have to add in an entire system of suffixes! –San is the most common and used as the default Mr., Mrs., or Miss, but there are a whole range of titles above and below that indicate the relationship between two people. And it can be very confusing.

I never mastered the Japanese naming customs. I tried to be polite and use the correct suffix or title when I knew it and, thankfully, everyone forgave me when I messed up. But being surrounded by such complex naming rituals made me think more about when and how we use names.

I can’t help but feel Japanese see the individual and their relationship to them more clearly since they have to choose the right suffix for each situation. That maybe that relationship is cherished more because it is acknowledged every time they say that person’s name.

I am glad American customs aren’t quite as rigid as Japanese ones, but it also makes me feel like maybe we lost something along the way.

ねぎ

The storm blew all the dust from the sky, leaving a perfect blue dome from horizon to horizon.  The morning is still cool, with a slight breeze, but it will be hot soon enough.  You turn from the main street.  The sound of the early morning commuters dies away quickly as the new direction leads your further and further from the thoroughfare.  Sandy fields stretch out on both sides of this narrow road.  The smell of damp earth and onions rises like heat from the ground to meet your approach.

Suddenly you are no longer standing on a road in rural Japan.  You are standing in Granny’s kitchen.  The smell is warm and inviting, just like the room.  The onion’s bite, the one that makes your eyes water if you get too close, has dissipated leaving that smell that always makes your mouth water and your heart feel at peace.  The smell of onions, carrots, potatoes, and meat combined in so many variations over the years. 

You can see her standing at the sink, her back to you as she washes dishes.  She hums the old Scottish tune that she has always hummed, the one she hums as she sews, as she cooks, and as she tucks you in at night. 

You take another deep breath, onions and damp earth.  Slowly you return to the quiet rural road between sandy fields.  The sun beams down from a clear sky, it’s warmth like a hand on your shoulders urging you to continue your journey.  You smile and start to hum that old Scottish tune.