Keeping in touch

Despite advances in technology, I have always been terrible at keeping in touch with people.  When I was in college, and Facebook came out, I was excited that at least now I had a way to marginally keep up with people I cared about.  As more and more people joined, I found more and more friends from my past.  When I made new friends in Japan, we immediately connected on Facebook and Line.  As those friends drifted away – to new cities or returned home – we promised to stay in touch.  The same way all of those junior high yearbook messages promised to stay in touch.

It isn’t that I don’t care.  But it is more I don’t know how. 

With Facebook, Line, Skype, and all the other amazing advances in technology, keeping in touch should be the easiest thing in the world.  Time zones and language barriers have been all but erased!  All I need are a few seconds and an internet connection.  I don’t even have to write in full paragraphs.  I have access to all of these amazing tools, as do my friends, but for some reason, we don’t really know how to use them.

When do you keep in touch?  It seems insincere to do it just when something important happens, like a birthday.  But it can be awkward just to text, “hey, how are you?  I was thinking about you.”  It is nice that Facebook lets you share things like recipes or funny pictures that can make the “I was just thinking about you,” seem less weird, but there is still a little awkward turtle going on when you hit send and wait for a reply (especially when you see that they have read it and just haven’t responded).  In person, it just seemed like the conversation flowed, it was natural.  But now you have to have an excuse to make contact.  On top of that, you are living in different time zones, you are doing different things, you are all getting on with your lives and enjoying the here and now.  It is intimidating – or, at least for me it is.

But once you get past the awkwardness, it can also be rewarding.  Despite the fact that you are not as much a part of that person’s immediate life, you are still a part of their past.  The conversations will change, of course; they will be more a recap of what is going on in each other’s lives and probably lose some of their depth, but I am learning that keeping those connections is important. 

Friendships aren’t just about a particular moment in your life.  They are about people that burrow into your heart while you are close together and stay there even after you drift apart.  You still care about what they are doing, even if it doesn’t involve you.  Friendships take work.  That is the hardest part.  Finding the energy and courage to say, “hey, how are you?  I was just thinking about you.” 

I am still not very good at it.  Sometimes life gets in the way.  If you don’t hear from me, don’t feel bad.  I am still thinking of you, and I am working on it.