Absence does not always make the heart grow fonder

In many ways my time here has made me appreciate my loved ones more – especially Anata.  Being on my own has made me realize all the little things I took for granted – like being able to call Okasan whenever I wanted, having someone to cook with and for, sharing a bottle of wine and gossip with a best friend, or just having another presence in the house.  With time and distance I was able to see the things that really mattered, rather than all the mundane gripes and complaints that build up over the years.  So in many ways the old adage is true, I did grow fonder of Anata and all of those I love back home.  I found new value in my relationships and new layers to people.

However, this wasn’t the case every minute of our time apart.  The honest truth is I would go days and weeks without thinking of those back home.  I was busy having adventures, meeting new people, trying new food, seeing new sights.  While there was always a small part of me that wished I could share these things with friends and family back home, they were not forefront in my thoughts.  This has been a very selfish adventure.  I know I haven’t thought of them, worried about them, or missed them half as much as they have missed me.  It is something I feel guilty about, when I do think about those back home.  It is also something I will have to keep in mind when I return – especially with those closest to me who have missed me the most.  While I was off exploring a whole new world, wrapped up in myself, their thoughts were on me.  I could not have done this without their love and support, I am truly grateful, and I only hope the change they see in me from this experience is enough to make up for not always thinking about them.