Everybody Poops: Toilets in Japan

Japan is a country of juxtapositions.  Old and new meet in a strange conglomeration of culture, tradition, technology, and humanity.  Perhaps the most striking example of this can be found in the public toilet.

For Americans, this is a difficult subject to talk about.  Probably for many westerners.  But satisfying the basic bodily function becomes an experience when you move to Japan.  It takes mental fortitude, an adventurous spirit, and some really strong leg muscles.

Eastern Toilets

This is a typical eastern style toilet.  Sometimes referred to as a squatty potty, it is the traditional Japanese toilet.  As the nickname implies, you squat over the trough, facing the hood.  This goes for gentlemen, too.  If you are lucky, there is a bar or piece of plumbing to hold onto.  If not, you do your best to brace yourself.  I usually use the walls.

If you think you will escape Japan without at least one experience with an eastern toilet, you are in for a rude awakening – especially if you are the type who enjoys the sights and sounds off the beaten path.  This is the type of toilet you will find in most older buildings (homes, restaurants, and attractions).  Cleanliness depends on the establishment, as with any restroom facility, but it is best to be mentally prepared.  You will step in piss.  There is a good chance you will splash.  So take your time and just try to stay calm.

Why do Japanese do this?  I have been told it is because they felt having your butt touch the same surface as another person’s butt was just not cool.  Or it could be this is just the way things were always done.  China has even scarier toilets than any squatty potty I have ever seen and they have been in contact with western people (and western plumbing) for much longer.  It could be because this type of toilet takes up far less space.  Doors open across the trough so you can fit more toilets in less square feet.  It could also be that squatting is a very common position here.  You see everyone from young children to old women doing it, so they probably don’t find it difficult or uncomfortable.  If it isn’t unnatural, there is probably no reason to change the toilet design.

Whatever the reason, don’t expect eastern toilets to go anywhere.  Even in new, high-end public restrooms you will find more of them than western toilets.  You will see women dressed to the nines in skirts and heels step over the porcelain trough and close the stall door without a second thought.  It is just us gaijin that have issues.  But if you don’t want to wait in an incredibly long line for any longer than you have to, waiting for the one western toilet in the entire bathroom, you will get over your trepidation quickly.  I still very much prefer western style toilets, but you find you can adapt to pretty much anything when you really have to pee.

Western Toilets

On the other end of the spectrum, we have the Japanese version of the good old john.  As I have mentioned before, Japan has a tendency to take things they like from other countries and make it their own.  They also seem to have an AI fetish.  In Japan, the toilets are probably smarter than you.

In some public places, you will find your basic western toilet – white, with a seat, maybe a lid.  But you will soon find out these are the dumpiest restrooms – schools, public parks, and the sketchiest of konbinis.  Any business or homeowner with a modicum of self respect knows that butts want to be pampered.  Going to the restroom isn’t simply satisfying a bodily function. Like everything in Japan, it should be a sensory experience.

To start with, there will be music, the sound of running water, or birds chirping.  This is to cover up any unpleasant sounds that accompany you know, being a human.  But it is also meant to relax you?  Tabun?

As you drop trou and take a seat for the event, you will notice a warm sensation on your newly exposed flesh.  Yes, Japan has heated toilet seats.  It is one of  the most amazing things you will ever experience on a cold winter morning (especially since central heating is not really a thing here).  However, in summer it can be like plopping your posterior on Satan’s own can.  Fairly certain I sustained burns from some public toilets turned up a little too high.

Toilet Control Panel

So you have music and toasty buns.  A pleasant experience all in all.  But wait, there’s more.  Before you flush, you have a selection of bidet services you can choose from to complete your toilet experience.  If this is your first time, or you are slightly inebriated, I do not recommend pressing the buttons randomly.  That is how you end up violated by a toilet.  And once the jets start, it can be difficult to find the off switch so you end up in tears, the whole moment ruined, because you can’t simply stand up.  This was not my best moment.

But if you have the courage, it can be a refreshing experience.  You can select the style and pressure of your preference.

Now that you have finished your business, it is time to flush and get back to life.  And here is where it tends to fall apart.  For all their innovation and uniformity, Japan has yet to figure out how to put the toilet handle (or button) in a single, easily recognizable place.  I have spent ten minutes just trying to find the flush.  Many toilets are automatic, especially at train stations and department stores, but other locations seem to work at their own pace.  Check for a handle first (on the front or right side of the tank).  If that fails, or if the toilet is tankless, try looking behind the lid for a handle.  If those fail, you should look for a button on the bidet controls or just on the wall.  In many public restrooms there is an emergency call button on the wall as well, so be careful.  It usually pretty close to the flush button.  If you read Japanese, you will never confuse these two.  If you don’t…

Personally, I find these magic toilets far more frightening than the most run down squatty potties.  Like vending machines, I tend to be leery of machines so close to sentience.  I mean what if one day the toilet realized what it was?  Shiver.  In their strides to make even the most basic and disgusting human functions a calming, hygienic, and beautiful experience, I fear Japan may have gone too far.  Each trip to the restroom poses a conundrum, comfort and possible AI retaliation or building leg muscles while trying not to soil yourself.  It is quite the quandary when you really need to use the facilities. 

So let’s get back to where we started – the bathroom as a metaphor for the juxtaposition of old and new in Japan.  We must first concede that everybody poops.  I'll wait for the giggles to stop.  You done?  Okay, everybody poops.  We must all use toilets (unless you were literally raised by wolves).  Japan has two vastly different options for dealing with this necessity, and old way and a new one.  Public restrooms will usually offer both options, side by side, with a map and sometimes directions for use.  The function is the same, but the choice makes all the difference.  And that is just Japan.  Old and new coexisting in harmony (for the most part) leaving the individual to choose their own path to gastric relief.

In case you had no idea how to use a toilet.